Fatma Tuncer: "The preferred solitude"

Fatma Tuncer: "The preferred solitude"
Date: 7.8.2023 12:00

Milli Gazete columnist Fatma Tuncer writes on solitude. Here is the full article.

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Due to the disappointments and violations of rights, people avoid social environments and think that they can be protected from internal and external dangers by withdrawing into solitude. He associates solitude with freedom and traps himself in a deep well. He distances himself from people both physically and spiritually and falls into a pathological loneliness.
The person thinks that he is safe in this dark well, that no harm can come to him here, and does not make any effort to get out. However, the love he needs is where anger and resentment develop, and the person has blocked access to love while trying to escape from pain.
In this dark well, there is no sound, no word, no movement that will comfort him...
True… People hurt… People tire… People break… But people also love, support, approve and nurture… The person who imprisoned himself in the well is deprived of all these while trying to escape from the pain…
Pathological loneliness is the inability of a person to establish closeness with the other and to experience an emotional disconnection; One of the two people you meet today states that they suffer from this condition. Since the person cannot establish a connection with the people he walks side by side, he sees them only as a foot click and cannot feel safe.
Sometimes the conditions change and the person physically distances himself from the people and objects that add color to his life and falls into loneliness.
A friend of mine, who married a man living in France at the age of twenty and left the country, shared his feelings, and said, "I had suddenly lost everything and fell into an indescribable loneliness."
A Syrian acquaintance stated that he had the same feeling when Aleppo was bombed and he lost all his relatives. In such cases, loneliness is added to the pain you experience and you cannot use your coping capacity properly, and you find yourself in that dark well. For those who discover the rich city inside and turn this process into an experience when they are alone, different doors open and loneliness turns into an advantage.
The journey of prophets and people of cause to discover themselves is short-lived and solitude is preferred. Despite the devastating effects of pathological loneliness, preferred loneliness develops and nourishes people. It is a journey of discovery, it does not destroy, it builds, develops…
Preferred solitude is a natural educational process… The person redefines himself, realizes his weaknesses and starts to move towards horizons by breaking the barriers to liberation. The preferred solitude is short-lived but necessary… It renews, strengthens and rehabilitates the person.
At times, retreating to solitude and contemplating is the most valuable and honorable act. And we all need that kind of solitude from time to time. Because this is a purification, a school and a way of evolution.


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