Anything that protects, nourishes, heals can be a shelter. Life can be difficult for anyone, and everyone may face challenging and disturbing experiences throughout life. In this case, we all need shelters. Sometimes certain places can be a haven. For example: a coffee shop, mosque, library or park. Apart from places or people, certain things can also be a refuge: coffee, a comfortable outfit, a good book at the end of a long day. Different activities can also come to us as shelters: petting cats, playing instruments, watching TV before going to bed. Some shelters are abstract. The moments when I am outdoors, the moments when I watch the sea and the sky, the nature trips I went on in my adulthood from the trees I climbed in my childhood have been a shelter for me. You may remember being in your grandmother's kitchen or a baby falling asleep on your lap. For many people, sacred beliefs can be a refuge of great meaning.
Ideas can also be shelters, like knowing the discoveries of scientists or the wisdom of sages or how much your children love you. Whatever you believe is good inside you can also be an important refuge.
WHAT IS YOUR REFUGE?
In the face of the compelling feelings that arise in your moments of awareness, focus on your refuge and the feelings it creates in you. It's like walking into a shelter during a storm and watching outside. As with all human experiences, the storm will eventually pass, and your core of inner peace will continue to exist.
BEING SO ABLE TO STOP, LEAVE BEHIND, AND LET IT GO IN
Imagine your mind as a garden. You can care for this garden in three ways. You can observe it, pluck weeds and plant flowers. It is important to observe, sometimes you can just observe. After a terrible event, the only thing you can do is get out of the storm. But it is not enough just to stay with the mind, we must also work with it. The mind relies on the brain, a physical system that cannot get better on its own. Pulling weeds and planting flowers is not possible by simply observing.
VOLUNTEERING TO EXPERIENCE SORRY
Three ways to connect with the mind form the roadmap for overcoming sadness. Pretend you are stressed, hurt, or angry.
First, start by staying with what's going on inside of you.
Pay attention to your body: For example, notice your chest tightening, the nagging feeling in your stomach.
Recognize your feelings, thoughts and desires. Try to see the deeper and more vulnerable, for example, recognizing your concerns about being able to start a relationship again after the pain of a breakup. Just focus on your experience without resisting it, even if it is uncomfortable. Be kind to yourself and to yourself.
Second, when the time is right, let it go. Take a few breaths and slow down as you exhale and let all the tension in your body drain away. Challenge your exaggerated thoughts by considering why they are wrong. Try to see the big picture. Imagine what happened is a short chapter in a long book about your life. Realize how your willingness to attack in anger can hurt you or other people. Imagine holding it like a stone and throwing it.
Third, start taking it in when you're ready: Recognize that you've overcome something difficult and be thankful for being able to do it. Let the lightness and comfort spread throughout your body. Instead of the feelings you let go, notice the feelings that come naturally, for example, notice that you feel relieved as your anxiety decreases. Focus on the more useful thoughts that replace the thoughts you realized were hurting you. See what you've learned from your experience, such as being kinder to yourself and more active with people. Decide what you could do differently from now on. For example, leaving home earlier to catch your flight or not discussing money matters with your partner before going to sleep.
Some things are really hard and you just have to endure. For example, when your spouse dies, it may take years to take the first and second steps. You may not be able to imagine someone else coming into your life. Proceed at your own pace. What you can do is touch your pain even for a few minutes, then you may need to get away from your pain. When you feel that it is not possible to let go and let in, go back to the first step and be alone with your mind. Discover the lighter and smaller things you will experience. Remember that when you stay in the moment, you will get rid of the weeds in your garden, plant flowers and make your garden better.
Prof. Dr. Kemal Sayar, Spiritual Endurance, kemalsayar.com